30.12.02

[surrey]
gangs of new york
...is a definitely a 'must see movie'. an epic tale of ethnic and immigrant street gangs of lower manhattan set in the 19th century, it follows one man's (leonardo dicaprio's) quest to seek vengenance against the gangster that killed his father. the rawness of which scorsese weaves his storytelling is instinctively visceral, and believe the hype, because daniel day lewis' performance, besides being oscar worthy is outstanding. definitely the best film that i've seen so far in 2002.

29.12.02

[surrey]
it wasn't epic, but...
...it was a lot of damm fun. today, i went up with vanessa for my first snowboard lesson at cypress. i'm bruised and sore, but it was fantastic to be up there in dem mountains. i can't wait to go again!

27.12.02

[vancouver]
original gangstas
on the 26th, a bunch of us our old crew, from high school/university days got together for some food and drink. we used to be inseperable, but now many of us have gone our separate ways, either leaving town for work or everyone just doing their own thing. it's funny, with our group and given the time frame, i used to call it our version of 'melrose place' -- there was definitely a lot of good times and drama that went on. it was really good to see everyone again, and catch up, however, it maybe seemed like a two hour 'melrose place' reunion show -- things definitely have changed. but i guess the point is to take that past as a foundation and try to build new memories and experiences.

25.12.02

[surrey]
wow, have things changed.
...we definitely didn't have this when i was a kid. check it out

24.12.02

[vancouver]
maligayang pasko!
...which is merry christmas in 'tagalog'. hope your holiday is safe and happy.

22.12.02

[surrey]
it's not that hard
only an hour and a half -- that's all it took for me to get my christmas shopping done. granted, my list was not that long (i.e.5), however, i think everyone is going to like what they got, i hope...i think the trick is the list and ideas should be made before stepping forth into mall land.

[surrey]
before i forget...
i know what kevin means now when he says it makes a difference when you find something that you really like. it's last year's model, but i know that every time i will look at it (or use it, if i'm good) i'll be happy.

21.12.02

[surrey]
different styles
there has been so much happening over the past week and a half, and i haven't had much time to post. monday at bluewater then bar none, wednesday at the royal vancouver yacht club for our christmas party (with post party festivities continuing on at stone temple of all places), friday at quattro's for our ams christmas party -- sometimes i think these posts are just all about me, and in the end not very interesting. but as grant points out, every blog and everyone has a different style. i started this blog mostly to capture my random thoughts with the idea of being able to look back.

if you are following along, thanks for reading :).

18.12.02

[vancouver]
kp brunch
on sunday, my dance group had a christmas brunch at veejay and michelle's new home. usually we have a big crazy christmas party, but i guess we've 'mellowed out' somewhat, so we decided to make it a brunch. however, i think the major reason we had a brunch was because ed from san francisco's likha was here visiting vancouver, and spending some time with tina, one of our dancers. our dance groups first met in 1995 through a joint show we put on at the james cowan theatre in burnaby, and ever since then, there has always been good 'cameraderie' within the groups (if you know what i mean).

anyways, we're all still waiting for the likha/kp wedding :).

16.12.02

[surrey]
the set up and the letter after 'y'
well, the weekend proved to be a busy one, probably one of the busiest social calendars of the year. i made however only 5 out of 9 events, which was pretty good i think. on friday night, i stopped by to wish carl a happy birthday, for his badluck party. usually at carl and cathy's parties is the only time that i get to see byron, probably the only guy i could probably say was a ex (in real normal people's dating terms, he would probably be referred to as someone who he/she dated for a short while). anyways, the funny thing is that as lou and i were putting our shoes on to go to the next party, and i was telling cathy to say hi to him for me (and how fabulous i looked), he literally almost knocked me over as he opened the door to enter. it's weird -- i always seem to talk 'bad' about what happened between byron and me, and as i was trying to point out to lou the reason why things didn't work out between us -- i couldn't really articulate it in words. the only thing that i could think of is that it probably had to do more with me than anything that happened.

...then after a short stay at jason's for tye's pre-birthday gathering (they went to see oakenfold at the commodore), i went with lou to ryan #1's party (i.e. not lou's boyfriend). anyways, ryan had invited one of this gay friends for a potential set up. i've realized even though i always ask my friends to assist me with 'the setup', i'm no good at it. even though lou overheard that he might potentially be interested, ryan only finally introduced me to him as he was leaving. ryan apologized for the 'build up'. thinking about it some more, it was probably me who was (and is) more guilty of that.

13.12.02

[vancouver]
casablanca
last night, me and my former coworkers from the bank went to casablanca for drinks, our usual hangout. it's really neat that i only see these people maybe once every few months, yet everytime we get together, it's like as if we were still all working together. thinking back, even though it wasn't my dream job, it was because of those people that made it such a memorable, and overall, good experience for me.

11.12.02

[vancouver]
what was yours?
on my drive in to work today, the morning crew and callers were talking about their all time favourite christmas toys. though i remember that i didn't want toys anymore when i was in grade four (i started wanting clothes -- go figure) for me, i think it was 'lite brite' for sure, or maybe my lego set.

its amazing how at that age, toys like that are able to stimulate so much creativity and imagination. it'd be nice to get back to that somehow.

9.12.02

[vancouver]
insert name here
the following is from the blog of tom coates.

I suppose, at thirty, I'm finding myself at a weird crossroads. Am I a self-hating gay man who finds himself unable to feel anything but repulsed by the community of my fellow poofs? I don't think so.. But there's something wrong, somewhere... Else why would I feel so invisible? Why would my sexuality have deteriorated so fundamentally in importance to me. Most people I meet don't know I'm gay. Many people who read this site don't know I'm gay. Despite being best poof in the world once, significant gay sites have just not even noticed my man-friendly tendencies... But this is wrong! They should know. It's important to me. Maybe the answer comes from another story... I'm walking down a street with a straight friend of mine, and we're watching the hot boys walk by, and I'm lamenting my lack of relationship (for the thousandth time) and asking if they thought I was just criminally fucked-in-the-head and they reply... "Tom, I don't know how to say this, but I hope you'll take it as a compliment... I don't think you're in the slightest bit fucked up about being gay, I think you're fucked up about everything else..."

bill sent it this post to me (read the whole entry here) -- he says i could have written it. the funny thing is, there are probably other 'invisibles' out there that could have as well.

is the last line of tom's post ring true for me too?

8.12.02

[vancouver]
what if we didn't like to dance?
so after i left work last night, and feeling the need to be with 'my people' (as i call it -- read: gay men), i went to sonar. on saturday's 'inside' at sonar is a decidedly mixed crowd, but actually it was a special night (guest dj fred everything, from montreal). anyways, i got there quite early, and after keeping comfortable couches warm for about an hour, and nursing my panty removers (read: double gin and tonics), the place got a bit busier and i finally checked my jacket. anyways, the dj was fantastic and i never left the dance floor for about two hours -- it was defninitely a release.

i hardly go out to 'gay' bars, or even any bars for that matter -- i think i lived in a bar from the age of 18 to 25. me and my friend sara made a pact in university that we would stop going to clubs when we were 25. if i could flashback to that time, i wonder if i looked like the thirty year old guy, chasing the dream so to speak. oh well.

i never talk to anyone at the bar, very rarely participating in the olympic style games that can sometimes occur. i wonder sometimes, with all the posturing that occurs in situations like these, is anyone having a good time? maybe if i were with a set of gay friends/contemporaries, my night would have been different. maybe how i felt inside wouldn't show so much on my face or would change the aura that i gave off.

...i guess, all i can say, is that i'm glad that i love to dance.

7.12.02

[vancouver]
what is it, really?
it's 9:46 (pm) and i'm leaving work now. this is the first job that i've cared enough about to 'come in' on the weekend -- we're extremely busy with a deadline fast approaching. however i ask myself -- could i be drowning myself in my work for another reason?

6.12.02

[vancouver]
let it snow, let it snow
i never used to pay attention to this before, but now, since i'm so excited to start my snowboard lessons, i'm now listening intently to the weather reports from the local mountains and whistler. check out the cypress skycam. let it snow!

5.12.02

[vancouver]
i think it is a...
take the test. via lou.

[vancouver]
christmas time
it's that time of year again...and the partying, drinking and eating begins. everybody in the world has decided to have a party next weekend. friday is tye's birthday, saturday there is leah's open house, jon's house warming, and ed's in town from san francisco. sunday there is a kp christmas brunch, jane's 'dim sum' birthday, and ed's house warming and christmas open house. i thought to myself -- that's crazy, too much to do and see! ...but i guess i should be lucky because some people aren't as lucky to have so many people to spend the holidays with.

4.12.02

[surrey]
wow how'd he do that?
via kevin. very inspiring.

2.12.02

[surrey]
what's in a name
on sunday we were discussing baby names. nick and melanie have come up with the favourites, jaden nicholas and lauryn isabel. for veejay and michelle, names thrown out there were emily ryan and victor james. what's in a name anyway? i've been kind of indifferent about my name, and actually tried to go by middle name julian when i first came out, to bring out the 'new' me. does a name evoke the personality or does the person give a name its "je ne sais quoi"? hmmm...

[surrey]
names, chintz, mr. and mrs. 'x'.
on sunday night i was invited to veejay and michelle's house for dinner, along with melanie, rodney and jeanette and let's say for now, mr. and mrs. x. anyways conversation topics ranged from the names of the future children (both michelle and melanie are expecting in the new year) to where they got their new dining room set (see chintz and company). i then had an outer body experience and said to myself -- "what the hell is happening to all my friends?!"
anyways, this was the second time i met mr. and mrs. 'x'. to put it delicately, i thought for sure that mr. x was gay -- but i guess i was wrong -- mr. and mrs. x were there avec newborn baby. i got to thinking -- roles could have easily been reversed in another life.

1.12.02

[vancouver]
first anniversary.
i looked at the calendar today and realized that it was december 1st. wow, how time flies. last year at this time, i started my blog. usually i get really excited about an idea, about doing something, but then don't stick to it. i'm glad did. it was nostalgic to read my first post.