i miss you.

it's pretty incredible for me to believe, but february 1st marks six years my mother passed away. it is a filipino tradition, at least in our family, for our family and friends to get together to remember and celebrate her life. today we will have great food prepared by her sisters and friends (who were like sisters), catch up with those we haven't seen in a while, and exchange stories and memories of my mom. my mother would not have it any other way.

it is often said that when someone passes, everyone needs time to grieve in their own way and in their own time. but i can say, at least for me, that the feeling of loss, while maybe less painful and acute, never does really leave you. you basically move on to a new way of living your life, a life without that important person. i wish she had the chance to see me as i am now, how i've changed, and what i have become. i wish she could be with us today, sharing and exchanging her own stories, bringing life, lightness and honesty in a way that only she could do. i wish she could still be here to hug me and tell me that everything has and has always been okay.

mom, i miss you, and i love you.

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